Sunday, September 21, 2014

Older Latina Wants the Asian Penis!

Are you the type of employee who likes to get to know people during the first few days on your new job? Well, that's me. I like to mingle with my new team, so I can, right from the start, identify the drama queen, the snitch, the I-like-to-arrive-early-and-leave-late guy, the dreamer, the I-always-get-in-trouble guy, the slacker, the stick-to-myself-I-don't-want-to-know-you person, the party-er, the I-must-tell-you-my-life-story guy, the ideal employee, annnnnd the flirt. Collectively, the aforementioned types of employees are compiled from my categorization of co-workers at my workplace. Mind you, I didn't identify some of them till weeks later. Whether it's because my co-workers try to mask their true selves or that I'm just slow is beyond me.

Hot Dough: Hollywood: Take Notes From The Walking Dead

Personally, I became the target of an office flirt. A little background before I delve into the story. Betty is an Asian woman, about 5'1", who is in her fifties. Think typical Asian mom. That's Betty. Betty (for the sake of confidentiality, let's call her Betty) spots me among a sea of non-Asians, and immediately starts a conversation with me during lunch.

BETTY: (with a bit of an accent) Oh, hi, there! My name's Betty. What's your name?

I bet her decision to approach me first out a number of new employees is due to our sharing a similar Asian background...

ME: Hello! I'm Rick. Nice to meet you, Betty.

BETTY:  Where are you from?

An all too common conversation starter among Asians...

ME: I am from Northern California---


Just kidding, she didn't say that, but she did say...

BETTY: No, no, no. I mean, where are your parents from?

ME: My parents are from Taiwan.

BETTY: (surprised) Oh, do you speak Taiwanese, or Chinese?

ME: I understand bits of Taiwanese, but I mainly speak Mandarin Chinese.

BETTY: Oh! Say something in Chinese.

ME: Ni hao ma? It means 'how are you'?

BETTY: Very cool.

By happenstance, her Hispanic co-worker came by, at which Betty said...

BETTY: Rick, this is Mia.

Mia looks like she's in her mid-thirties, carries her straight brown hair past her shoulders, and has a caramel skin complexion. She's about three or four inches shorter than me, and is of average weight. Oh, and she wears glasses. No, she does not look like a nerd. And I'm not defending her.

ME: Hi Mia.

MIA: Hello Rick.

BETTY: (to me) Mia has been learning Chinese from another co-worker who used to work here. Mia is great at Chinese.

ME: (Intrigued that Mia has been learning Chinese) Oh, really?!

MIA: Oh, stop it, Betty.

BETTY: (to me) Really, she is. Anyway, I have to go back to work. See you guys later!

MIA and I: Bye Betty.

Well, isn't this a bit awkward...

MIA: It's so cool that you know Chinese. I love learning the language. I've been meaning to catch up on it, but haven't had the chance to. 

She tells me about her fascination with the Chinese language. Usually, when women mention too much about their interest in anything Asian, I raise my eyebrow. This situation was no different.

MIA: Say something to me in Chinese.

Here. We. Go. Again.

ME: Woh whay shuo zong wun. It means I know how to say Chinese.

MIA: Wow! That is so cool! You should teach me some Chinese! 

ME: Well, why don't you come to my place after work today...I'll teach you MORE than just Chinese.

YOU wished that's what happened! Instead, she goes on and asks me about my background learning the Chinese language. 

Later that day, I told my girlfriend about my conversation with the Hispanic woman. My girlfriend, being the jealous girlfriend she is, suggested that "that hoe" may be into me, and some other things that's better not revealed here. I voiced my agreement that something may be going on. So, I waited. I waited for Mia to take the next step in starting our language learning get-together.

Initially, Mia made a concerted effort to find me and start conversations with me. She'd smile at me, play a nice, sweet girl that many Asian men, and foreigners, desire. But she didn't initiate the Chinese sessions.

Gradually, over days and days, she distanced herself. She went back to hanging out with her BFF and reducing her communication with me. We'd talk from time to time, but nothing more.

After a few weeks and a couple of small talks later, Mia had learned nothing from me in Chinese.

Despite my experience, this story is not meant to discourage Hispanic women from approaching Asian men. In fact, we do love you, Hispanic women! Statistics show that Asian men respond most to Hispanic women more so than we do with other women! So, to the Hispanic women - keep on approaching!