Sunday, September 21, 2014

Older Latina Wants the Asian Penis!

Are you the type of employee who likes to get to know people during the first few days on your new job? Well, that's me. I like to mingle with my new team, so I can, right from the start, identify the drama queen, the snitch, the I-like-to-arrive-early-and-leave-late guy, the dreamer, the I-always-get-in-trouble guy, the slacker, the stick-to-myself-I-don't-want-to-know-you person, the party-er, the I-must-tell-you-my-life-story guy, the ideal employee, annnnnd the flirt. Collectively, the aforementioned types of employees are compiled from my categorization of co-workers at my workplace. Mind you, I didn't identify some of them till weeks later. Whether it's because my co-workers try to mask their true selves or that I'm just slow is beyond me.

Hot Dough: Hollywood: Take Notes From The Walking Dead

Personally, I became the target of an office flirt. A little background before I delve into the story. Betty is an Asian woman, about 5'1", who is in her fifties. Think typical Asian mom. That's Betty. Betty (for the sake of confidentiality, let's call her Betty) spots me among a sea of non-Asians, and immediately starts a conversation with me during lunch.

BETTY: (with a bit of an accent) Oh, hi, there! My name's Betty. What's your name?

I bet her decision to approach me first out a number of new employees is due to our sharing a similar Asian background...

ME: Hello! I'm Rick. Nice to meet you, Betty.

BETTY:  Where are you from?

An all too common conversation starter among Asians...

ME: I am from Northern California---


Just kidding, she didn't say that, but she did say...

BETTY: No, no, no. I mean, where are your parents from?

ME: My parents are from Taiwan.

BETTY: (surprised) Oh, do you speak Taiwanese, or Chinese?

ME: I understand bits of Taiwanese, but I mainly speak Mandarin Chinese.

BETTY: Oh! Say something in Chinese.

ME: Ni hao ma? It means 'how are you'?

BETTY: Very cool.

By happenstance, her Hispanic co-worker came by, at which Betty said...

BETTY: Rick, this is Mia.

Mia looks like she's in her mid-thirties, carries her straight brown hair past her shoulders, and has a caramel skin complexion. She's about three or four inches shorter than me, and is of average weight. Oh, and she wears glasses. No, she does not look like a nerd. And I'm not defending her.

ME: Hi Mia.

MIA: Hello Rick.

BETTY: (to me) Mia has been learning Chinese from another co-worker who used to work here. Mia is great at Chinese.

ME: (Intrigued that Mia has been learning Chinese) Oh, really?!

MIA: Oh, stop it, Betty.

BETTY: (to me) Really, she is. Anyway, I have to go back to work. See you guys later!

MIA and I: Bye Betty.

Well, isn't this a bit awkward...

MIA: It's so cool that you know Chinese. I love learning the language. I've been meaning to catch up on it, but haven't had the chance to. 

She tells me about her fascination with the Chinese language. Usually, when women mention too much about their interest in anything Asian, I raise my eyebrow. This situation was no different.

MIA: Say something to me in Chinese.

Here. We. Go. Again.

ME: Woh whay shuo zong wun. It means I know how to say Chinese.

MIA: Wow! That is so cool! You should teach me some Chinese! 

ME: Well, why don't you come to my place after work today...I'll teach you MORE than just Chinese.

YOU wished that's what happened! Instead, she goes on and asks me about my background learning the Chinese language. 

Later that day, I told my girlfriend about my conversation with the Hispanic woman. My girlfriend, being the jealous girlfriend she is, suggested that "that hoe" may be into me, and some other things that's better not revealed here. I voiced my agreement that something may be going on. So, I waited. I waited for Mia to take the next step in starting our language learning get-together.

Initially, Mia made a concerted effort to find me and start conversations with me. She'd smile at me, play a nice, sweet girl that many Asian men, and foreigners, desire. But she didn't initiate the Chinese sessions.

Gradually, over days and days, she distanced herself. She went back to hanging out with her BFF and reducing her communication with me. We'd talk from time to time, but nothing more.

After a few weeks and a couple of small talks later, Mia had learned nothing from me in Chinese.

Despite my experience, this story is not meant to discourage Hispanic women from approaching Asian men. In fact, we do love you, Hispanic women! Statistics show that Asian men respond most to Hispanic women more so than we do with other women! So, to the Hispanic women - keep on approaching!

Saturday, February 8, 2014

4 Cheap, Time-Saving, Thoughtful Valentine's Day Ideas for your Asian Boyfriend!!

So, you (an attractive, down-to-Earth, 12/10, non-Asian girl) snatched yourself an Asian boyfriend. It's exactly 3 days before the big V-Day (no, not vaginal copulation day). You're on a tight budget, and you're as busy as a bumblebee studying Biochemistry at UCLA, bar-tending at the local bar, and volunteering at the Humane Society. You want to make Valentine's Day special for your boyfriend. 

Hot Dough: Hollywood: Take Notes From The Walking Dead

Your heart's pounding. You are freaking out as you are reading this blog post. "SOMEONE GIVE ME A MIRACLE OR MY BOYFRIEND'S GOING TO DUMP ME!!" you scream to yourself (yes, I can hear you from here). First, he's not going to dump you. Second, fear not, 'cause "Asian"-man (da-dada-daa!...yah, I know, corny) has got you covered!

Why the Following 4 Ideas
Asian men have long been marginalized by Western mainstream media as weak, effeminate, asexual, and unattractive, among other things. Western mainstream media outlets also continually undermine many different Asian cultures. The perpetuation of these negative stereotypes and inaccurate cultural portrayals seep into many people's minds, ingraining in them the idea that these representations of Asian men and their culture are accurate. Asian men, in turn, must try to refute these misconceptions and prove their worth in society, or risk losing out on opportunities.

Despite the negativity that surrounds your boyfriend, you can show him your appreciation of his culture, and empower him as a person. The following are 4 inexpensive, time-saving, and thoughtful ideas that you can put into action and make it seem like you poured your heart and soul into Valentine's Day!

1. Food

Tease your boyfriend's taste buds by whipping up his favorite dish from his Motherland, whether it is Chinese Fried Rice, Adobo with rice, Sushi with Miso Soup, Murgh Kari with rice, or Bibimbap with a side of rice (we can't get enough of rice!!). 

Why: There's a saying that goes something like this: "the key to an Asian man's heart is food from his ethnic group cooked by his significant other". OK, I kind of made that up. But don't be fooled by your boyfriend's physique. We may be ripped from head to toe, but we love to eat (especially rice)!! Don't believe me? Go ahead and tally the percentage of Asian Yelpers. Yah, go on.

To do: Find a simple Asian recipe, gather the ingredients, put an apron on, fire it up, and surprise your boyfriend with an ethnic meal when he comes home from work. And don't forget the rice!

Cost: Depending on the meal, it should cost less than ordering a three-entree meal from Panda Express.

2. Adventures

Validate the livelihood of your fiancĂ©'s culture by taking him on a date night to his town (e.g., Chinatown, Koreatown, Japantown, etc.). 

Why: Just by window-shopping the establishments that are brought in from my Mother country, I feel like I'm sharing a part of me with my significant other. What's more special than sharing a part of my culture with the person I love?

To do: Take a bus or car ride into town, take a stroll along the street, and ask your fiancé about things around town that may relate to his culture, or ask him to share his childhood stories.

Cost: $1.25/person for a bus ride (depending on the bus and if you have student discounts), and $5 for a car ride and the damn meter.

3. Movies

Empower your spouse by watching movies with him that portray Asian men in an attractive light and that showcase more accurate depictions of his ethnic background. 

Why: As an Asian man, I feel significantly more appreciated and acknowledged when celebrating my people and my culture.

To do: Become a Netflix member, or stream free movies on Hulu, Crackle, or YouTube.

Cost: $7.99/mo for Netflix. Free for Hulu, Crackle, and YouTube.

Movies I enjoy: The Walking Dead TV Series, The Raid: Redemption, Extraction (on Crackle), Slumdog Millionaire, Ip Man Series, Warriors of the Rainbow: Seediq Bale, The Tower, War of the Arrows, Shanghai Kiss, Mulan (don't judge ;)), any K-drama movies 

4. Gifts

Give your lover the gift of fashion to make other men envious, and make the females eye him from Fedora to Loafer over his sexiness.

Why: An Asian man's style challenges others' perspectives of him. And you get other women jealous of you, too!

To do: Look for a come-up at local thrift stores like the Salvation Army, Goodwill, or DSW.

Cost: $0-$20 (I sport three like-new blazers for no more than $20, all from thrift stores. Like Macklemore says, "One man's trash, that's another man's come-up".)

What's in It for You?

So, there you have it, ladies. Ideas that can make your Asian man feel extra special! It may offer you a new learning experience, and you might receive a special something in return! *Wink wink* *Nudge nudge* It's not V-Day for no reason! 

Now, go get 'em, Tiger Mamas! OK, just kidding on that one. But seriously though. GO FOR IT!!

Friday, January 10, 2014

Rain's "LA Song" Music Video is Racist Towards Black Women

Over 70% of the depiction of Black women in White mainstream media have conformed, in one way or another, to the White's stereotypical embodiment of Black women (e.g., overweight, unattractive, obnoxious, hyper-aggressive, poor, etc.).

Hot Dough: Hollywood: Take Notes From The Walking Dead

As an Asian man who has seen all the, ahem, spotlight that White media has put Asian men in, I understand, to a significant degree, the plight Black women encounter.  

So, when I heard about the "racism" in Rain's “LA song” music video (an Asian media outlet!), I was curious to see how much more "racist" an Asian media source can shine on Black women

So, to Youtube I went, and searched for the music video (here's the English translation of the lyrics).

When the music video showed pimped-out Rain walking towards a Black woman who was sitting down on a bench... mind was praying, "Don't fuck up, brotha. Play it smooth." All the while I felt my heart skip a beat (cause you hardly ever see Asian men approach Black women in mainstream media). 

Then, he goes in for the big "K"...
...and seeing this

turn into this...
...made me furious!

Rain, did we just time travel from 2014 to 1810? Clearly, we haven't evolved any more than we did back when Saartjie Baartman was put on display for all the Europeans to exploit and dehumanize. 

Rain, you say in your lyrics that you are "not someone who does the typical". Sure, going for a Black girl is "not typical" for an Asian man. But portraying a Black woman in the stereotypical boundaries the way White mainstream media depicts Black women puts you in the same boat as it. You are no different than White mainstream media. In other words, you are "someone who does the typical". 

Now, if you were to depict a Black woman in silhouette as curvaceous yet sexy, then, you are truthful to your words.

Other than that, Rain, please get off your high ego and portray Black women more respectfully, or leave Black women alone and take one of your flat ass sistas as your main attraction.