Friday, March 6, 2015

7 Reasons Why Asian Men Should Date Black Women

 
In my quest of searching for reasons why Asian men should date Black women, I came up with...nothing. Yes, NOTHING. Not a single search entry gave me a legitimate reason for this coupling (unless I haven't searched hard enough, please enlighten me). And, no, Asian men and Black women should not date each other just because they are perceived as the least desirable partners in their respective sexes (I'll touch upon this later in this post). Therefore, I have decided to share my reasons as to why Asian men should date Black women, based on my experience dating a Black woman. Here's my disclaimer: not all Black women share all or any of these characteristics, but I will safely bet that a good number of them do.
 

1. FAMILY-ORIENTED. Brooke, my fiancée, maintains a close-knit relationship with her family, from talking with her sisters for long hours into the night, regularly spending time with and spoiling her nieces, and creating and upholding family traditions (e.g., Christmas and Fourth of July parties, Thanksgivings, Birthdays, game nights, etc.).
 
2. FRUGAL. Brooke does not come from a family that drives Porsches on a regular, nor does she tip waiters 50% of the bill every time she dines out. In fact, poverty is not an unfamiliar territory. Given her experiences, she spends wisely on needs and occasionally splurges for fun and cuddles. I am on the same page with her - we spend below our means. I have even learned a few money-saving strategies from her, like when she helped me spot a like-new blazer at a Goodwill store for less than $7.

Here's a little secret that I'm going to share with you (shhh! don't tell Brooke!): on our first date, I decided that she could be a potential wifey when, after the movies, she turned down CPK for a home-y meal. If I offer my date an expensive option, and she chooses to go with an alternative, less expensive option, that tells me that my date may be un-materialistic, financially astute, or...is on her period.
 
3. AGES WELL. You know how Asians get a fantastic rep for aging REALLY slow? Like, REALLY, really sloooooww? Yeah, well, Asians aren't the only people on the planet that ages well. Black women do too. Many of Brooke's family members look years younger than their age (not that I asked, but that's besides the point). Just to show you that aging well isn't exclusive to Brooke's family, I advise you to google these gorgeous ladies for yourself: Halle Berry (48 years old), Gabrielle Union (42), Tina Turner (75), Angela Basset (56), Taraji Henson (44), Tyra Banks (41). Ohhh, I should have warned you guys to whip out your lotion and napkins!

4. NOT A BIG DRINKER. Some women must have a drink for everything, like when preparing for a long day's work every morning with a mimosa, pairing chardonnay with a Lean Cuisine for dinner, or just because. Brooke does not drink alcohol, nor does she like the taste of alcohol. As for me...I have retired.
 
5. SUPPORTIVELY STRONG. The following two stories show how Brooke stands up for us. Brooke and I were held up in line at the grocery store one day. A man in his 30s or 40s behind us got irritated and told us to pay up and leave. I was talking to the attendant at the time, and Brooke responded to the man, "We're trying to get the issue resolved. If you want us to speed up, then pay for us. Or be patient and get back in line!" That alone put the man back in his place.

During our shopping experience at Costco, an elderly man in his 50s got irritated at me when I was pushing a shopping cart at the speed of traffic and bawled, "Move out of the f*cking way". There were many customers walking and talking, and Brooke heard his wailing. The man seemingly didn't get what he wanted, so he shouted to a Costco staff, "This guy is blocking everyone's way!" Brooke nudges me while making a universal gesture of "crazy" at the man, making sure he heard, "Baby, this guy is really crazy. Let's get out of here before he gets crazier."  The man's jaw dropped. Looking starstruck, he stood there speechless, then faded away into the crowd.
 
6. GREAT SENSE OF HUMOR. Brooke has a great sense of humor. When I asked her what she wanted for dinner, she said, "I want meat". I inquired further, "Me too. What kind of meat are you feeling?" "Your penis", she responded...hold on, I'll be right back.
...
Ok, now where were we? Oh, that's right, sense of humor. Brooke is a very laid back woman; she can turn a serious discussion of our dinner into a laugh factory. We would go off on tangents laughing over our inside jokes. Five minutes may have flown by, and we still wouldn't have figured out whether we wanted to eat in or eat out, because I'm busy talking about how I want to eat her pizza (meaning, the cat downstairs ;)).



7. WORKS HARD IN A RELATIONSHIP. While more than one study show that Asian men and Black women are the least desirable of partners, there is some positivity regarding the statistics that Asian men and Black women can savor (what can I say, I'm a half-full kind of guy;)).

In my observations, desirability has a positive correlational relationship with taking things for granted (TTFG). In other words, the more desirable Bob is, the more likely Bob will TTFG. This type of behavior may be related to entitlement/spoiled-ness/narcissism, but that is a topic for another discussion. In effect, Bob is more likely to, among other things, not pull his weight in a relationship, show less compassion and respect, and/or cheat.

However, the opposite is true. If I (ya, ya, I'm putting myself on the spot here) am perceived as less desirable, I find way(s) to compensate for my perceived undesirability. Since I cannot just simply change people's perceptions about my desirability, I do what I can control. I focus on maintaining a relationship, displaying compassion and love, and carrying my weight in bed as much as I do in a relationship. If the goings get tough, I don't just throw in the towel.

Asian men and Black women fall into this latter category of perceived desirability. My question is: What would happen if more Asian men and Black women dated? Imagine that!

Oh...and I haven't even touched upon the physical characteristics of Black women yet.

15 comments:

  1. I stumbled upon this on FB and I'm happy I did.

    It was very accurate (as you stated for some black women) and insightful. I know it's crazy but I never thought about the positives that we bring to relationships. If only more people would notice.

    Thanks for sharing!

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    1. It's my pleasure! I feel like there's so much negativity spewed at Black women, and I wanted to bring out the positives that have simply been brushed under the rug for so long. Please share this post so that more people would recognize the positive characteristics of Black women!

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  2. I wish this could be posted everywhere, I find Asian men attractive but the ones I've met haven't felt the same and guys of my race are very picky asking if I cook and speak my grandmother's native tongue (Gujarati). You two are very lucky to have found each other ^_^

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    1. Don't give up, LonelyAish! It took me more than 1 try before Brooke reciprocated. ;)

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  3. I loved this!! It gave me confidence that I will find me an Asian man. Thank you very much! Best of wishes and blessings to you and Brooke :)

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    1. Thank you! And good luck on your search for your Asian man! BE CONFIDENT. STAY CONFIDENT. :)

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  4. I love this list. I'm a pragmatist, so after reading statistical data on marriage prospects and online dating experiences for AM and BW, I was immediately like---great, so I'll just find an Asian guy cuz we are both being overlooked. But there is definitely a danger in being like--let's just be undesirable together (deficit based)...vs...we're really amazing in ways that are unconventional and can compliment each other really well (strengths based).

    I have been dating Asian men and have no regrets about my decision.

    Anyways, this post made me feel positive.

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  5. I love this list. I'm a pragmatist, so after reading statistical data on marriage prospects and online dating experiences for AM and BW, I was immediately like---great, so I'll just find an Asian guy cuz we are both being overlooked. But there is definitely a danger in being like--let's just be undesirable together (deficit based)...vs...we're really amazing in ways that are unconventional and can compliment each other really well (strengths based).

    I have been dating Asian men and have no regrets about my decision.

    Anyways, this post made me feel positive.

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  6. I'm glad it did :). I like the way you framed it, from a negative to a positive.

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  7. In Southern Africa, statistics show that almost a fifth of their population will be half Chinese and half African from the African female and Chinese male mix. From that perspective, I say all the issues that African American Women and Asian face in the USA and North America is because they simply do not socialize enough. In Southern Africa where they socialize all the time, they are making babies and marriages. It is pretty common. People are people. An author based her entire novel on the African/Asian mix. www.acrosstherealm.com That is because it is common people. Common. As an African woman, a man is a man to me. Whether he is Asian or African, I look for someone who will take the time to know me and love me. Nothing else matters.

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    1. Interesting perspective! Thanks for sharing!

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  8. Very interesting post! I love it! I know exactly what you mean, although I once had an Asian male, he as my first love, my first everything...and now...I live with wondering we did not make it...Wow that was 24 years ago!

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  9. I have never dated an asian man. How can I meet one? I reside in Chicago. A lot of Asian men here always are with their own kind. There is NOT a lot of interracial dating here.

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